Steven Wright

Ever wonder who my favorite comedian of all time would be? For stand-up, no one could beat Steven Wright:

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

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