Steven Wright

Ever wonder who my favorite comedian of all time would be? For stand-up, no one could beat Steven Wright:

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

“You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself?
I feel like that all the time…”

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

( Refresh the page for 5 more random Steven Wright quotes. )

Basketball and anatomy

Was just outside shooting basketball with my ten year old step-daughter. I gave her a body block, stole the ball, and decided to go for a long, long, long 3-pointer from the next door neighbor’s front yard. The ball arched through the air as the most graceful bird god ever created swooped aimlessly through the skies. Unfortunately that bird landed on the rim just as this downtown 3 pointer missed the center by just enough to actually sever the bird’s head from it’s body.

I immediately thought this might be the opportunity to explain some real-life anatomy along with some really bad puns to the 10 year old girl.

She wasn’t interested.