Steven Wright

Ever wonder who my favorite comedian of all time would be? For stand-up, no one could beat Steven Wright:

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

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