Ever wonder who my favorite comedian of all time would be? For stand-up, no one could beat Steven Wright:
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.
The other day I… uh, no, that wasn’t me.
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn’t hear a thing.
When I die, I’m gonna leave my body to science fiction.
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